[Blog] Ep 8.Parenting Without a Village

Ft. Rinie Gupta and Sanchita Daswani

Introduction

In this blog, Rinie Gupta and Sanchita Daswani dive into something that hits home for a lot of us — parenting in isolation. With families more mobile than ever, many new parents are raising children far away from the support systems they grew up with.

Rinie shares a story that’s both personal and painfully familiar. She gave birth in the middle of the COVID lockdown in Singapore, with no family around, no in-laws visiting, and no help. It forced her to learn how to parent without a village and as she soon realized, she wasn’t alone. More and more young parents today are navigating the same thing: nuclear setups, expat lives, long-distance grandparents, and a deep longing for that familiar, interwoven support structure.

Parenting Without a Village

Parenting in isolation has become a common reality for many modern families. Rinie reflects on her own experience, giving birth during the COVID lockdown in Singapore, without any family around and how that moment shaped her understanding of what it means to raise a child without a village.

She notes that more and more parents today are living in nuclear setups, far from their support systems due to work, education, or simply life choices. And while there’s a growing openness to asking for help, the ever-present weight of mom guilt still lingers. The expectation to juggle it all- home, children, relationships, self-care, and careers often leads to burnout.

As Rinie shares, “This is exactly what I want to talk to parents about — the ones who are living in these nuclear setups, on how they can make the most out of their parenting journey without having the traditional village that we were supposed to have.” She lays out five very practical tips to find a sense of balance in the chaos.

Tip 1: How to Get Dads More Involved

Rinie’s first tip is about something foundational: your partner is your starting point.

In setups where there’s no extended family, the partner becomes the first member of your parenting team. But as she points out, it’s easy to fall into old patterns, where the mom becomes the default parent and the dad just “helps out.” Rinie encourages couples to actively work against that dynamic.

This starts with reshaping the mental load. She urges couples to literally sit down and divide tasks from baby care to home management, in a fair and equitable way. Not necessarily 50/50, but aligned with each person’s bandwidth and availability.

• Write down everything — from cooking to buying diapers.

• Make three columns: Mom’s tasks, Dad’s tasks, Shared tasks.

• This isn’t a competition — it’s about removing mental clutter.

Because when the invisible load is shared, parenting becomes lighter.

Tip 2: Get Paid Support & How to Hire Nannies

Here’s the thing: if you don’t have a traditional village, you can still build one by hiring it. A village isn’t just family or friends who happen to live nearby; it’s anyone who helps you care for your child with love and intention. And sometimes, that means paid help. Whether it’s someone who comes in once a week or lives with you full-time, that support can change everything. But before you start hiring, the first step is budgeting and this is where most people go wrong. They plan for nursery decor, strollers, car seats, but they don’t budget for help.

Depending on where you live, the kind of help available will vary, but here are some practical options to consider:

• A weekly cleaning service – just one task off your plate can make a huge difference

• A part-time nanny or babysitter – even a few hours a week can give you breathing room

• A live-in helper – common in places like Singapore, Hong Kong, and parts of India

• A childcare center – great if in-home help isn’t feasible or available

When it comes to hiring, go through a trusted agency or personal referrals. Agencies may charge more, but they take care of reference checks and vetting and that’s worth every penny when it comes to your peace of mind. And when you do start the hiring process, take your time with interviews. Ask clear questions, trust your gut, and look for alignment in values.

Criteria for Selecting Childcare Centers

For parents who may not have access to a nanny or helper, childcare centers can be a great alternative. But choosing the right one takes thought. Rinie recommends narrowing your options based on two primary filters: location and budget. You want something nearby, and you want it to fit within your financial comfort zone.

Depending on where you live, your options might include:

Pedagogy – Is it play-based? Academic? What aligns with your values?

Discipline Policies – Are there timeouts? Naughty corners?

Transparency – Will they share regular updates, photos, diaper changes?

Rinie references something powerful that Dr. Mona Amin (from Peds Doc Talk) shared in a recent reel. There’s a growing wave of fear online, with some people saying it’s “torture” to send your child to daycare, citing crying drop-offs or emotional reunions at the end of the day. But as Rinie points out, Dr. Amin makes a crucial distinction: just because your child cries when you leave, doesn’t mean they’re being harmed.

“There are so many schools that take wonderful care of your children,” Rinie says. “They become a secondary attachment figure in your child’s life, nurturing the same connections.” Separation doesn’t mean trauma. It means your child is forming bonds with other caring adults and that’s something to embrace, not fear.

Sanchita adds that when she went to check out local playgroups, she let her intuition guide her. “Some places just didn’t feel right,” she says. “And others — I just knew they were a good fit.”

In the end, trust the process. Visit the centers. Ask the hard questions. And trust your gut.

Tip 3: The Power of Sleep Training

One of the most game-changing things Rinie talks about in this episode is sleep training, not just as a parenting technique, but as a survival tool, especially when you’re doing this without a village.

For those unfamiliar, sleep training is the process of helping your baby learn to fall asleep independently without needing to be rocked, fed, or patted to sleep. And when done right, it can lead to longer, uninterrupted nights for everyone. Rinie shares that they started sleep training their daughter at six months, after months of running on fumes. But once her daughter started sleeping through the night for a full 11 hours, everything changed. Rinie describes the shift with so much honesty. “I felt like Superwoman,” she says.

Sleep Training and Parenting Without a Village

Even with support during the day, nights can be the hardest part, especially in a home without extended family.

Sanchita shares that she and her husband made a conscious decision early on: night duties would be theirs alone. Even with a nanny helping during the day, they wanted their helpers to rest at night. But the constant wake-ups, especially with twins, quickly became overwhelming.

Sleep training, she says, was what finally helped them reclaim their nights and restore some calm to their home. With better sleep came more energy, more patience, and a clearer mind, which felt impossible during the sleepless early months.

Tip 4: Investing in Courses and Coaches

Rinie’s fourth tip is simple but often overlooked: ask for guidance.

When you’re parenting alone, you don’t have the benefit of family advice or lived experience around you. That’s where experts and educators come in. Whether it’s sleep training, nutrition, potty training, or managing toddler tantrums, there are professionals who can guide you through the chaos. Rinie reflects on her own journey, recalling the countless hours she spent reading blogs at night, desperate for answers, when what she really needed was someone who could just tell her what would work for her child. “Parenting is a learned skill,” she says, “and who you choose to learn from can make all the difference.”

Sanchita echoes this from her own experience. When feeding her twins felt overwhelming, or when the tantrums kicked in, she turned to courses and parenting coaches that gave her tools, not just theories.

Tip 5: Finding Support in Parenting Communities

The final tip Rinie shares is about community, even if it’s not the traditional kind.

She encourages parents to find people who are in the same life stage: online mom groups, WhatsApp chats for local parents, parenting classes, baby music groups, anything. In her own journey, especially during COVID, online connections were a lifeline. Later, when in-person meetups resumed, those virtual friendships became real ones through park walks, baby classes, and playdates.

Being Kind to Yourself and Lowering Expectations

As the episode winds down, Rinie circles back to something essential: you have to be kind to yourself.

If you’re parenting without a village, you’re going to have to let go of perfection. The messy house, the shortcuts, the frozen meals- it’s all okay. What matters is that you’re doing your best with what you have.

Sanchita echoes this beautifully. “I’ve been more present with my kids ever since I started delegating,” she says. And that’s the truth of it- "asking” for help doesn’t make you less of a parent. It often makes you a better one.

Preview of Next Episode: Surviving the First Year with Twins

In the next episode, Sanchita will be sharing her experience of raising twins from pregnancy to that chaotic first year, and what she learned along the way. If you’ve ever wondered how anyone survives it, you’ll want to tune in.

Watch the Full Episode for more insights: