[Blog] No Dusty Sons: Challenging Gender Norms

Welcome to our blog! In this post, we’ll dive into the key insights from the episode of the Modern Indian Parent Podcast featuring Payal Desai. This episode explores the concept of "Dusty Sons" and how parents can challenge traditional gender norms. To listen to the full conversation,

Understanding the Concept of Dusty Sons

The term "dusty sons" refers to boys who are not held accountable for their responsibilities. Payal Desai explains that this concept transcends gender and is rooted in the idea of accountability, kindness, and empathy. In a patriarchal society, boys are often raised without these crucial values, leading to detrimental behaviors that affect not only them but also those around them.

“Dusty means not showing up for your responsibilities, not being accountable, using weaponized incompetence.”

By redefining how we raise boys, we can foster a generation that values empathy and responsibility.

What Triggered the Start of This Series

Payal shares her inspiration for starting the "Dusty Sons" series, which arose from observing social media trends that perpetuated toxic cycles. She saw mothers teaching their sons to cook only to impress daughters, inadvertently placing the burden of domestic responsibilities back on women.

This realization sparked her desire to shift the narrative. Instead of perpetuating old norms, Payal encourages teaching sons to be self-sufficient and respectful partners.

Why Is Patriarchy Still So Prominent?

Despite the progress made in society, patriarchy remains deeply ingrained. Payal highlights that men still hold most power and privilege, making it challenging for women to assert themselves. The normalization of patriarchal values complicates the unlearning process for both genders.

“We are just one step off from the previous generation... we're doing the hard work.”

This acknowledgment serves as a reminder that change takes time and collective effort.

Having Empathy for What Men Go Through

Payal emphasizes the importance of understanding the pressures men face, particularly in South Asian culture. From a young age, boys are conditioned to be providers, which can lead to emotional suppression.

By fostering empathy, women can better understand their partners and create a supportive environment for healthy conversations about gender roles.

Why So Many Modern Indian Parents Struggle with Patriarchy

Many modern Indian parents grapple with the remnants of patriarchal norms, which can hinder their ability to embrace progressive parenting. Payal points out that even those attempting to break free from these norms often find themselves caught in the web of tradition.

“It’s about recognizing how patriarchy lives within all of us.”

Acknowledging and addressing these ingrained beliefs is essential for fostering change.

Allowing Our Kids to Be Themselves Without Gender Bias

Encouraging children to express themselves freely, regardless of gender norms, is crucial. Payal shares her experience of allowing her son to engage in activities like skincare and playing with dolls. This approach promotes authenticity and self-acceptance.

“He doesn’t understand gender and identity... he’s just enjoying what he enjoys.”

By supporting children in their interests, parents can help them grow into confident individuals.

Importance of Discussing Menstruation with Sons

Breaking the taboo around menstruation is vital for creating a more inclusive environment. Payal discusses how she openly talks to her sons about periods, aiming to normalize the conversation and reduce embarrassment.

“It feels embarrassing... but it’s normal.”

This candid approach fosters understanding and respect for women’s experiences.

The Controversy of Sharing Responsibilities in the Household

The division of labor in households often leans heavily on women, even in modern families. Payal stresses the need for equitable sharing of responsibilities to prevent burnout and ensure a balanced partnership.

“When do they get a break?”

Discussing household roles openly can lead to healthier family dynamics.

How to Get Husbands on Board

For families to thrive, both partners must be aligned in their parenting philosophy. Payal suggests that open communication and shared experiences can help partners understand each other’s perspectives and responsibilities.

Successful partnerships require recognizing each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Payal emphasizes that couples should communicate openly about their roles and responsibilities, ensuring that neither partner feels overwhelmed.

Final Advice to Parents

To wrap up the discussion, Payal offers a straightforward piece of advice:

“Let your kids lead... just love and support them through the process.”

Encouraging children to explore their identities while providing unwavering support will pave the way for a more compassionate future.